| A BILL
OF NO RIGHTS
We, the sensible people of the United
States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance
of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive
behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and
our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain
and establish some commonsense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden,
delusional and other liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are
so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights. |
| ARTICLE |
I: |
You do not have the right to a new
car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you
can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. |
| ARTICLE |
II: |
You do not have the right to never
be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express
a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably
always will be. |
| ARTICLE |
III: |
You do not have the right to be free
from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful,
do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy. |
| ARTICLE |
IV: |
You do not have the right to free food
and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and
will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch
potatoes. |
| ARTICLE |
V: |
You do not have the right to free health
care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just
not interested in health care. |
| ARTICLE |
VI: |
You do not have the right to physically
harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you get the needle. |
| ARTICLE |
VII: |
You do not have the right to the possessions
of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you
away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color
TV or a life of leisure. |
| ARTICLE |
VIII: |
You don't have the right to demand
that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching
conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop
you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting
the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling
each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat. |
| ARTICLE |
IX: |
You don't have the right to a job.
All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along
in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities
of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. |
| ARTICLE |
X: |
You do not have the right to happiness.
Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which
by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance
of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of
Rights. |
TOP
|