The Night Before Christmas, 1963
by Buck Conrad
December 15, 2000

T'was the night before Christmas, 1963,
and as usual we're on patrol, underway at sea.
The boats submerged at 66 ft and
the Cooks busy preparing our Christmas treat.

We're creeping along at all ahead 1/3,
because of something sonar reported he heard .
The boats rigged for quiet so don't make no noise,
well, I guess old Santa can't bring us our toys.
Well that figures, sonar does that a lot.
It must be those fancy new earphones he got.

The Navigators sweatin' cause the posit reports late
and he's shaking so bad he's in quite a state, cause
the Captains a stickler for doin things right and
he ain't cutting no slack even on this holy night.

The boat's rigged for red and it's really quite pretty
cause when we're rigged for red we don't look so dirty.
No one's had a bird bath in about 3 weeks
cause the engineer says both the stills have big leaks.

Hogan's Alley is starting to smell
what with diesel fumes, dirty socks and hot bunks
oh well !

We all volunteered for the Silent Service
and we're proud of the Dolphins we wear,
but sometimes I'd like to be able to bathe
and wash the filth from my hair.

The Posit report's done and been taken below
I'll just enter the position in the log and then go,
but I'm gonna hang my sock on the ole' TDC
in the hopes that St. Nicholas won't forget me.

I go below to get in my bunk to get me some rest
my bunk mate's left it warm for me to that I attest.
Before I sleep I say a prayer and thank God for this special day
and thank him for others like me that keep the wolves at bay.

I may not be with my family on this most holy day,
but they understand it’s the price we pay
to live in the good ole' USA.

Maybe some day when I'm old and grey
and have grown wise in almost every way,
I'll think back and say in that wisdom I'll surely possess,
hey, Santa, I'm a'shore now and not on that ole SS.

There ain't no ping jockey listening for some faraway noise
that's gonna prevent you from bringing my big bag of toys.
so, come on Santa we're waitin' you, my sweet grandkids and me
cause I'm at home this Christmas, by God's will, and not on patrol at sea.