More to the point, my last day as an active duty Submarine Sailor.

I look forward to my adventures in "CIVPAC", and know that I am starting a new, exciting phase of my life However, all of the ceremonies, all of the well wishes, all of the handshakes and slaps on the back, all of the mementos and awards - as wonderful as they are - will never compensate me for what I have lost.

I've lost the ability to stand Diving Officer of the Watch, to feel the thrill of controlled power as my boat responds to the commands issued by the OOD, and executed by my shipmates.

I've lost the ability to be white knuckle scared during a submerged fire, and ear to ear grin excited as I pull into homeport after a long deployment.

I've lost the ability to stand proud as one of my men is awarded his Dolphins, and to watch his chest swell with pride.

I've lost the ability to shoot a "combo" out of the signal ejector to let yet another skimmer know that if it had been a real war his Ship would be sunk.

I'VE LOST THE ABILITY TO GO TO SEA ON A SUBMARINE.

And already I want it back.